Gun: A Game About Cowboys

Lets get one thing straight right now: If youve ever talked to me and somehow stumbled upon the topic of cowboys, then you know I downright cannot stand them. So how then, did I come to play a game about cowboys?

I was bored one day, and started thumbing through an old EGM (Electronic Gaming Monthly, for those of you that dont know the world of video gaming magazines). I came across a special preview of Gun and it held my interest enough to read through. After finishing, I thought to myself, Well, why not give it a try? I think Dustin has it. Soon thereafter I asked to borrow it, and a few days later I held a copy of the fabled cowboy game in my hands.

I started playing. The first goal I made for myself was to walk up to the first cowboy I saw and punch him in the throat. Which in itself is a problem, because you can only use a knife for melee attacks, but well get to that in a moment. The game starts you off with your cowboy father teaching you the essentials. By the end of this training mission you fight a grizzly bear that knocks your dear pa down. I wanted to kill it with my knife, because thats what a real man would do. I carefully followed the instructions on maddox.xmission.com from the article A Tribute to Real Men. Of course, after the grizzly mauled me a few times, I realized, theres no effing way a cowboy could ever be a real man. So I settled with shooting the grizzly in the face with a rifle.

After this you eventually get on a steam boat; steam boats were known as Fultons Folly during that era by stupid cowboys everywhere. How could mere steam power a boat?! Well, we obviously see how stupid they were for doubting Fulton. Not that I care, I just thought Id point out stupidity. I love doing that.

But anyways, once on the steamboat, Ned, the main characters (Colton White) father, sets out to find a hooker and is successful. A crooked preacher later kills the girl and bandits board the ship and kill pretty much everyone. The main character is the lone survivor of the good guys. Thats original.

Before the steam boat explodes, Ned gives his son a token to a whorehouse in Dodge City. Ah, fatherly love. I wish my dad would give me a ticket to gonorrhea. So I set out to Dodge City for herpes and other diseases rampant in both cowboys and moldy vaginas.

Now remember up above, the goal I made for myself was to punch a cowboy in the throat, but only could stab with a knife. So I changed that goal to stab a cowboy in the throat. And stab I did! Oh glory moment, when the cowboy hit the dirt and started pushing up daises. I went into a killtastic frenzy and eventually a posse of cowboys attacked me. I didnt know Insane Clown Posse existed back then. So Juggalos came at me, and I killed them all.

After my appetite for killing had been quenched by the several dead cowboys littering the streets, I entered the local hotel (read: whorehouse) and talked to Jenny so Cole could get his cowboy groove on. So this cowboy could rock the casbah. So he could fornicate. I wonder if she liked doing it cowgirl. *sigh* Ill stop and be blunt, for those of you out there that dont get it: I was trying to get my cowboy to HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A WHORE.

Of course, that didnt happen. He is a cowboy, after all. I cant really remember what happens after this point. I think the house is attacked and you eventually ride to another city, whore in tow, and she gets killed by the crooked reverend. And that sets out the story; you want to get revenge because he killed your dear pa and two hookers.

You eventually hook up with two other westerners, bust of jail, ambush a train, steal a gatling gun, guard a guy as he pushed a cannon through a town, and generally do cowboy related activities.

By the end your cowboy protects coolies, teams up with injuns, takes a fort, kills the crooked preacher, goes after the guys boss, and in the climax of the game you fight an old general that looks kinda like Solidus from Metal Gear Solid 2. Except this guy has a seven barreled shotgun. ...Right. You beat him by tossing dynamite on gas bubbling up through the floor in the cave youre in and then letting him walk into the resulting bang. And then after he jumps up on a ledge, you need to shoot the bundles of dynamite that he tosses at you so a rock will crush him. Yep yep.

The game was short, filled with cowboys, and had a lacking story. Lets review the basic components of it:

Controls: They worked well enough, even though I prefer my shooters first person. There were moments when you went into third person view, but I did not like them. Switching weapons was weird, but overall the controls did their job. Something more halo-esque would have been appreciated, however.

Graphics: Theyre not bad, not outstanding, but definitely not bad.

Story: Simple, not complex, and relatively no depth. Youre playing this game for the fun of ambushing a train, shooting rival cowboys, etc.

Sound: The music you hear in between towns reminds me A LOT of The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowinds. It isnt bad, just barely audible, and in the end, leaves you wanting more. There is voice acting, and for that Im glad. The acting was done fairly well (if this were a movie, itd be acted out better than the latest Star Wars flick, which has acting stiffer than rigor mortis).

Overall: This game has been called GTA set in the west, shortly after the Civil War. I think its better than Grand Theft Auto. While it is a mission based, free roaming game,the controls are tighter, the graphics are tons better, and even though Gun is shorter than GTA, I didnt get tired of playing it. GTA lets you shoot hookers; Gun lets you shoot cowboys AND hookers. And in my book, killing a cowboy is like beating fifty hookers down.

Overall, I give this game 7.0 out of 10 (5.0 being average. And when I attempted to play GTA, I gave that pile of crap 4.0 because of its poor graphics, shitty controls, and missions that were somewhat difficult to complete if you died.)

In another nod to this game, I do have to say that when my friend played it drunk, she shot a cowboy and horse with a dynamite arrow, and blew him up... that was definitely the coolest thing Ive seen since The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.