We'll Tarantino This Shit

(We'll try to end this on a happy note.)

Last night I got to see a bunch of different friends. A few minutes after they FINALLY got here (we'll get to this story later) I get a call from Scott. I let it ring because he's still pissed at me over the hat thing. If you're unaware and want that story, go HERE.

He leaves an angry message simply saying "Pick up the phone." Then calls back. I don't answer again. I wake up this morning and have a few more missed calls. He finally calls again sometime in the afternoon and I answer. I try to talk shit out with him but it doesn't really click. I wasn't expecting it to, but I stated my side anyways, essentially saying that if he's going to go into town with me I feel like he should have enough respect for me not to do shit that embarrsses me. I stressed that he also shouldn't talk loudly about strangers (Literally, we'll go into somewhere and he'll start talking loudly about how someone looks or how a fat person shouldn't eat that much); he retorts by saying I'm not the one speaking and that they'll hear me arguing against him (I still say I'm guilty by association but he has none of it).

Whatever. I knew stating my side wasn't going to get me anywhere but I tried, yeah? I decide I'll just brush it under the rug and not go in public with him if he's gonna be that way. My own little compromise that he won't have to know about. So all of that was over the phone; he invites me over, so I go.

When I get there he has to say a little more; ok, that's fine. I was already set to just sweep it away, since what he says is really just a reiteration of things mentioned earlier. Then he adds this: "I wasn't going to get ahold of you but I heard you tried to get ahold of me first. If you hadn't I would've just let it end there." Ok, yeah I know about that. Then he continues:

"But I'm not gonna change anything. I am who I am. You see how little of a shit I care about your opinion, so imagine what I care about others."

Needless to say, I will not be hanging out with him nearly so much after that. I'll stay on good terms with him for group dynamic, because really I don't have any problems with him other than the shit already listed, but I'm not going to label him as a close friend anymore. I knew when Kris was telling me that Scott would talk to me again only if I talked to him first, that he really didn't value our friendship nearly as much as I did. After the above statement, fuck him.

Which will lead into our next out of sequence moment. Yesterday about noon, Mary gets ahold of me, saying her and a few others want to come visit me here in Greensburg. I'm up for that, because it seems like every time I talk to Mary she's either really guarded and if conversation gets serious she turns it aside with a few jokes, and I don't get to talk to her much otherwise because she's not on much and texting is limited. Honestly, I talk to someone I met more recently more often than her.

So about 6:30 or so, Mary, Josie, Macy, Tess, and Theo head my way from Franklin. They take some extremely fucked up route that I've never heard of along a bunch of country roads in the middle of nowhere; about 8:00 they're in the general area but lost. Somehow they end up out at Dustin and Casey's; Casey gives them directions to my house and they STILL get lost. They're near a graveyard and a church, so I head out to the only one I know of in the area; they aren't there. I ask them if they can find their way back to Dustin's, they say they can. So I go there, wait a bit, we joke about them being lost. Tess calls up Casey saying they're just going to go to some place in Adams called "Acapulco Pizza" that is on their GPS (and how do they get lost with a GPS...?)

I've lived in Adams my entire life and we barely have soda machines, let alone restaurants, but she keeps arguing. No Tess, it doesn't exist. (Well, apparently there's one in Pennsylvania of all places...Haley?)

Well, eventually they show back up at Dustin's. Everybody piles out of the car, I pick Theo up and swing him around in a hug, we stand outside and chitchat for a while. Tess goes inside to use the bathroom, then pops back out to say she's staying with Casey right as we all start heading back to our cars. I say goodbye to Dustin and Casey, Tess says something sarcastic to me like "bye to you too" or something and I say something along the lines of "No I'm not saying bye to that betraying skank" sarcastically.

Only, I kind of meant it. I realized this as I sat down in the driver seat and Theo climbed in beside me.

I'll take a second to get into more here. After a little bit, yeah, I was legitimately pissed off at Tess. I mean, I've seen her...what...a couple of days on campus back in September, and that was it since DECEMBER of last year.

And I know she's came down here to Greensburg a few times to hang out with Casey a few times and she never got ahold of me once while in the area. So yeah, I'm a little irked that she chose to hang out with Casey instead of me when she's seen her more.

Seriously. She used to be my best friend. What the fuck happened?

Stuff like that really helps to fuck with my self-worth, which as everyone knows, is already in pretty terrible tatters (as opposed to taters...boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew). In this day and age it's easier than ever to keep in touch with people, but all I'm greeted with is resounding silence.

And this intertwines with what I said about Scott because it doesn't seem like a lot of people care about having me in their life like I care about having them in mine.

One of the few good points Scott did bring up was that he felt like I'd only hang out with him because I was bored, since I'd only go over there when he called me. He said he felt that way because I never got ahold of him.

In my eyes I was doing it this way because I figure people have their own busy lives and if they wanna do something with me they'll get ahold of me; I don't wanna barge into their lives or invite myself to their place. For some people this is more applicable than others, I suppose (such as those in relationships, because they're often times busy with their significant others), but he makes a valid point, and I apologize if anyone feels that way. Dustin, you're one of them, because I know I almost never ask to do anything.

But with Tess that wasn't the case because I know I always tried to get ahold of her and she'd offer excuses or things wouldn't pan out. So I don't know what happened there. With others, too, it doesn't really seem like I exist to them unless I'm in the same room. I try texting or otherwise keeping in touch with people and it just doesn't work out. I don't know why that's so hard, because when they graduate, or I graduate, it pretty much means we're just going to drift apart.

"Sometimes a goodbye is as bad as someone dying. Both can be forever."

It just kinda depressing that the only person that's EVER fought to stay in my life instead of just drifting apart is the one person I can't keep around because she hurt me far too much. But the way she fought to keep me around is what did some of the most damage and pain and some drifting was necessary there before any reconciliation could have ever happened. *sigh*

I dunno. I don't really seem to have these problems with the few friends that came up last night. Even if we do just talk in brief snippets sometimes, it's more than I get from most other people.

So we finally make it back to my place. We hang around in my room for a little bit, then do the usual Greensburg things; and by this, I mean we went to Wal-Mart. We wandered around for a while, Theo picked up season1+2 of Arrested Development, and then tried to go see a movie, but...apparently here all showtimes stop at 9:45.

Back to my place, then. And we start a game of Risk. I'm used to playing with Kris and Scott (and to a lesser extent, Dustin) and we're decently brutal. Kris, Scott, and I will stand around yelling and screaming and getting terribly, terribly belligerent with each other. Alliances are formed, stabbed in the back, reformed...ohhh, we play dirty and I love every fucking second of it.

Everyone last night was so polite, haha. It was soooo weird. Macy said she'd love to play in a cutthroat game with my friends, and the others agreed they definitely wanted to see how bad we got, haha. I look forward to it, should it ever happen. But I eventually won after a tense turn where Macy and I had to manipu-- errm, convince Theo to attack Josie before she turned in her cards, which would wipe us all out... So then after long hard minutes, Theo finally does it (mostly, he stops short on one territory) after I tell him if he doesn't attack her all out, I'll attack HIM all out. So I take out Josie, then I take out Mary, and tear into Theo since he didn't hold up to his end of the bargain (hey, he left that one territory, and it was a loophole. Everyone that plays should know, don't leave loopholes), and then Macy finishes him up. Because I took so many cards from killing people, we knew I could turn in again, so we split.

I think this is the thought process for Risk, divided up by the time:

0-15 mins. "Hey, you know what? we haven't played risk in a while!" "yeah let's play that, that's awesome!"

15-30 mins: "ok, I'll just set these pieces here, slowly creep in..."

30-hr: *someone goes to the bathroom* "truce?" "truce." (under table handshakes, etc)

1.5 hrs: "what? what are you doing? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? NO YOU FUCKIN' FUCK FUCK FUCK NO!"

2 hrs: *cold anger voice* "i'm going to kill your wife and burn your house down with your kids inside."

3 hrs: *after massive turn in* "HAHA, suck it! SUCK IT SO HARD YOU FUCKIN PRICK!"

4 hrs: "I HATE THIS FUCKING GAME, WHY ARE WE PLAYING STILL?"

5hrs+ "goddammit, risk sucks, lets never play this game again."

months later: "Hey, you know what we haven't played in a long time...?"

I had a really fun time; Macy and I borrowed a few books off each other; I got her copy of "The Lovely Bones" and "Slaughterhouse Five" (she got me into Vonnegut with Galapagos) and I sent her off with Perks of Being a Wallflower and Requiem For A Dream (movie, not book).

While on the topic of books, I finished House of Leaves. I realize I didn't do a rant/review on The Dark Tower, so I'll probably do a split post on them (I don't usually do long posts on books unless someone I know suggested them to me, or if I feel like they're rant worthy, which both of these fall into that category).

So I'm reading slaughterhouse next, then when I take House of Leaves back, I'll pick up "Lucky," do that, then Lovely Bones, then whatever the next book club book is, then cum buckets for Towers of Midnight, then finish the dune series....

Going up to IU the week of the 20th for book club meeting where we present our scary short stories. Haven't written mine yet, but I cannot wait to see everyone again! Macy says there's a lot of book stores, so...someone's going to have to hide my wallet from me...