I just don't see why I'm thought of so highly. I've had a few people now, whether they be figures from past or present, tell me "I can't picture my life without you in it." And I've thought the same of all those people at the time, regardless of whether or not some of them still are around.
But it isn't just that. I've been around a lot of different people this weekend. One of my friends has been having some issues lately, and this person typically reacts to such instances by going distant to pretty much everyone on campus except for me; I'd been getting calls or texts or messages from others, asking how that friend was doing and whatnot, and even I didn't really know. The other day, said friend came up to me and we talked a little bit, and then they just poured so much out to me and talked for the better part of a couple of hours.
Other people, for whatever reason, have either told me or others have told me that they've said "they look up to me." And that is a much larger list than I thought possible. Eight people. And some of them I don't even talk to that much.
Others yet (and some of these "praises" overlap) claim that I'm the most intelligent person they know.
Why? I'm just me. When I've finally worked up the balls to ask people why, I've gotten the answers, "You're special," or "I bring out the better in people," or "Others are more friendly around me," or that "I'm a good guy and i'm not a bad person to want to be."
Like I said, I'm not complaining. It's just weird to know that people feel that positively about me when I can't come up with any sort of satisfactory answer. Whatever I'm doing to be "just me," I guess that's enough for everyone else. I just wish I knew the "WHY" of being just me is something special. Sometimes I wonder if they do like me for me, or if they're only liking the parts of me they see, because while these people have such a high respect for me, most of them don't know hardly anything about me in comparison to what I know of them. Maybe that isn't important though.
Maybe I need to save this as an ego boost for a rainy day when my depression comes back, to remind me that people really do care, that I really am worth something to others, even if I can't always feel it.
I've got a big week ahead of me. I hope everything goes well.
"What makes me so different?
The insides work the same . . ."
-Motion City Soundtrack, "The Weakends"
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