Stuff (A Rant); And More Info On The Video I Made.

Work's schedule is posted up to August 26th.  The newest one will come out this Saturday.  Classes start on the 30th.

Which means that in accordance with Wal-Mart, I need to change my availability so it won't conflict with the class I want to take.  There's just a few *minor* (please note the sarcasm you'd hear in my voice) issues with this, starting with:

1.)  I'm still not registered for class:
       a.)  100$ registration fee I still need to pay.
       b.)  The class I need is still open, is from 1:40 - 3:20 on Tuesday and Thursday, and may actually be threatened of being canceled because it doesn't have enough people registered.  Uhhh.
       b.)  The fraternity STILL HASN'T GOTTEN BACK TO ME ON WHAT I OWE THEM AND I CAN'T REGISTER UNTIL I'VE PAID THEM OFF.
           i.)  I was told they'd get back to me by Saturday (I'm calling again tomorrow to sort this shit out once and for all hopefully)
          ii.)  Remember how I've been trying to talk to them since May?  Yeah.  Remember that.  Because fuck them, that's why, and if my future gets dicked over because they refuse to get back to me....

2.)  It may not matter even if I get all the above taken care of, because:
      a.)  My financial aid is still unknown.  So if I don't get enough aid, it won't matter about going back in the fall, because then I won't be able to pay for things in the spring and I'll be right back to where I started.
     b.)  Actually scratch that, I'd be worse off because the class I need in the spring is offered only every other year.

3.)  Even if I go back to school AND manage to change my availability, I'm still a little screwed because if my transfer to another store doesn't go through right away or I can't find a job elsewhere, it'd have been better off for me to just commute and save money since I'll only be having class 2 times a week instead of the 3-4 I thought I was in for.
    a.)  This is also bad because even though I'll be living with Macy, her classes are on Tues/Wed/Thurs in the evening, so we'd only see each other for a few hours each night.  Those three days a week until my transfer goes through.
    b.)  Therefore, ontop of everything else, it's quite conceivable that EVEN THOUGH WE'LL BE LIVING WITH EACH OTHER, we could easily end up seeing each other even less.

Why haven't I pulled out all my hair from stress yet?  Maybe I'm just waiting for the world to crash down around me again.  All of 1 and 2 need to be taken care of this week.  Like...either tomorrow or Thursday at the latest, because I need to talk to my manager and tell her what's up on the scheduling, and then beg beg beg that I get time off for the actual move in date if I'm not transferred by then (I won't be).

In other news, onto the video I posted a couple of days ago; I don't think it actually turned out all that bad, but there was a lot of stuff that I wanted to do differently with it....

I actually kinda like the grainy video quality of it.  I was trying to do the video with my old camera while Macy took pics with my new one, but, well.... she...didn't....  But I think the poor quality kinda it gives it that "older" feel, and those were all mementos of an older part of my life I want nothing to do with anymore.

The song choice.  PERFECT.  Absolutely perfect.  The pictures that I did manage to use were decent, but I wish I had more of them.

I would've burned more stuff if I could've.  The original plan was to drop a bunch of that stuff in the glass, fill it with vodka, light it on fire, watch it burn.  But it was either too windy or whatnot, and the booze just wouldn't catch fire.  And when I tried lighting the papers and stuff on fire, they just wouldn't catch.  That bitch really didn't wanna leave.

It was just really odd because the first time I tried this was actually decent late at night and I did sorta burn that one paper (the one with the word "amazing" visible on it).  But off on the edge of the driveway I noticed a pair of rabbits watching.  I even have a picture of them.  That was sorta fitting, I guess.

Finally I ended up just tearing everything up and taking pictures of what I could.  The flash drive was an old 256MB drive and it had everything ranging from pictures to writings and stuff like that.  I meant to screen cap its contents for pictures, but I forgot and then dropped it in the alcohol and didn't wanna put it in my USB port after and potentially fuck up the port.

I wanted to make the video a lot more complicated than what it actually turned out to be.  But I had to self-teach myself iMovie in a pretty short amount of time by screwing around with it (no internet access at the time so I couldn't tutorial), and it became pretty obvious early on that it couldn't do everything I wanted it to.

The idea I had was to demonstrate kind of a "rise and fall" of everything pertaining to her and I and my alcoholism so they're so intertwined.  As the videos were going I wanted to have text scrolling through on screen, like it was being typed up as it played (iMovie HD could do this,  but then it wouldn't let me do a lot of other things I wanted, so I scrapped the minor detail.  Also, don't ask why I have iMovie '09 and the older iMovieHD.  I don't know myself).  I even had a bunch picked out, starting with "i feel people throw away love too easily . . . people r scared." to ". . . you certainly aren't as amazing as I thought you were."  to "You are robbing me of meaning" to "I thought of you in the last three seconds."  "I will let you go.  Just let me."  A ton of others too, but those were the biggest ones I wanted to highlight.

Obviously they didn't make the cut.  I wanted to do it where they kinda crossed and overlapped at some points too, so it would almost be an overwhelming deluge of text until the screen went white for a moment.  I'm not that smart to figure it out though.  And the more I looked to find lines or quotes that were relevant...the more it really just made me mad.  I mean, seriously.  Everyone knows the story and has a good idea of what happened; I did not need all that drama, but that's all that got stirred up.  I was extremely stupid to keep pursuing any of that... duh.  Hindsight, 20/20, all of that.

Obviously one line of text did manage to stay in.  I thought briefly of making it "consider yourself let go." but that seems pretty irrelevant.  And petty.  And I really wanted to do this video as just a kind of release.  "Here is all this shit that once mattered so much to me.  Watch it get destroyed."  I'm very relieved to be rid of that alcohol.  I kept it for longer than a year after I stopped drinking.  It was a horrible temptation at times.  But I think that was the best way to get rid of it, and it reminds me that I was strong enough to resist it even when most of the time it was only hiding a few feet away in my closet.  It was starting to weigh heavy on my mind again.

As for what one commenter said, I wouldn't be opposed to making more videos in general, I just need to either learn more in iMovie or get a better editor.  And new ideas, of course.  That one pretty much came together on its own.

I did say something about doing a vid commentary on Daydreamer's Reach sometime.  hmm.

I think that's all I've got right now.  I have a ton of phone calls to make tomorrow in hopes of getting all this school stuff figured out once and for all...wish me luck.